Full Circle: Love and Pain
by PrincessStarWarrior
Summary: Xhalax Sun lives a troubled life, which is impacted greatly by her relationship with her daughter, Aeryn.


**Full Circle: Love and Pain**

A Farscape Fan Fiction

By: PrincessStarWarrior

PART 1: Downward Spiral

It was the darkest part of the night when the woman quietly slipped out of the bunkhouse. She could not afford to let anyone find her leaving the child's sleeping quarters. Superior officers would not tolerate insubordination, and the penalty for this particular form of defiance was known to be severe. It had been a great risk, going in there, but she had needed to see the child. This child was different; this child was wanted. She had gone in, and she was glad! She had known from the time that the child had been conceived that she would go to her. She wanted the child to know that she was special. She was loved, and by both of her parents. Peacekeepers do not love. She and Talyn had broken the rules, and dared to love one another. Xhalax wanted her little one to know that she, her little Aeryn, was a part of that love. Her heart swelled with happiness as she thought of that moment when she had finally seen her daughter's lovely face, with those wide, blue-gray eyes so much like her own.

It was with that thought that Xhalax found herself surrounded by a large squad of officers. She froze on the spot. Considering the number of Peacekeepers encircling her, she knew that her options were few. It would be virtually impossible for her to escape unscathed. She had no course of action to take other than abject surrender.

"Xhalax Sun," the senior officer stated officially, "You will surrender your weapons immediately and follow us. Resistance on your part will result in immediate execution."

Xhalax silently cursed herself for not realizing they were watching her. They were always watching. Their eyes and ears were everywhere. She wondered exactly which of her colleagues had betrayed her. She had told no one of her plans, yet; somehow, someone had obviously seen or heard her speaking with Talyn. The betrayal did not surprise her. She would expect a fellow Peacekeeper to turn her in if they were privy to what she had shared with Talyn.

The squad led her unceremoniously away, through the many dark and winding corridors of the command carrier, until they reached their final destination. Xhalax steeled herself for what was to come. She knew that the punishment would be swift and severe, but she had every confidence that she could handle it. Even if it meant her death, she was secure in the knowledge that she had accomplished her mission, which was to let her daughter know that she mattered.

"Xhalax Sun," Commander Graylar Taj looked down his long, thin nose at her as he continued, "You have been found contacting your progeny this very night. You have been found to have a purposeful relationship with Talyn Lyczac, resulting in the birth of a child, this child with whom you have unlawfully established contact. This weakness is a liability, and is detrimental to our very way of life. This will not be tolerated!" As he spoke, the vid chip he had placed into the slot displayed the damning evidence of what had transpired that night. "Do you deny this, Xhalax Sun?"

Xhalax stared him straight in the eye and raised her chin defiantly. "No!" she declared audaciously.

Commander Taj glared at her, momentarily sizing her up before speaking. He looked at the senior officer who had led the squad that had captured her. "Officer Kwillis, take her to detention tier eighty-seven, maximum security level." He addressed her once again. "Xhalax Sun, you will be detained until the end of the midday break session, at which time the decided punishment will be delivered.

By the time that the midday break session had begun, Xhalax had already spent the day thinking on her situation. She was not afraid, and remained stubbornly gratified by the actions she had taken on the previous night. Soon, Officer Kwillis reappeared, and escorted her back to receive her requital.

Xhalax stood before them, calmly resigned to whatever punishment she would receive. Commander Taj approached to state the sentence.

"Xhalax Sun," the official pronouncement began, "For crimes against Peacekeeper Law, which could result in a breakdown in society, including, but not limited to, mutiny and unrest, you are hereby sentenced to execute, by your own hand, either Talyn Lyczac, with whom you have a purposeful relationship, or Aeryn Sun, the progeny resulting from that union. You will make your choice immediately, or both Talyn and Aeryn will be executed by your own hand."

Upon hearing this, Xhalax instantly felt as if she had been knifed in the gut, while each cell in her body simultaneously exploded. "No!" she bellowed huskily, her voice cracking with emotion. She had suspected a sever punishment, even death, but not this degree of torture.

"Make your choice…NOW! Or both will die by your hand!" Commander Taj bellowed.

Xhalax didn't know what to do. She loved Talyn with all of her heart, but she couldn't bear to lose Aeryn, either. Talyn was older than her, and had lived a good and long life. Aeryn had not yet had a chance to live. Talyn would agree. He would understand. "Forgive me, love!" she thought as she tried unsuccessfully not to weep. "Talyn!" she cried in unparalleled anguish. "I will execute Talyn!"

"Bring him!" commanded Taj.

Moments later, Kwillis returned, shoving a handcuffed Talyn Lyczac to the floor. Talyn returned himself to an upright position, a grim resolution to meet death without remorse evident on his every feature.

"Xhalax Sun, step forward," the cold voice of Taj commanded. She came forth, and Taj pressed a pulse pistol in her hand. "Now, face Talyn Lyczac and fire."

Xhalax stood only inches apart from Talyn.

"Look into his eyes, and fire," Taj repeated.

Xhalax looked into Talyn's eyes, tears filling her own. She tried not to let them fall, but one, errant tear slipped softly down her cheek. She shook her head. "I can't!"

"You will kill him now, or they both die!" the angered Taj bellowed.

She looked back into Talyn's eyes. He nodded to her.

"Do it, Xhalax," Talyn whispered to her. "It's the only way!"

Xhalax shut her eyes, and squeezed the trigger, jerking involuntarily at the sound of Talyn's body hitting the floor. Xhalax let out an animalistic shriek of pure anguish, and dropped to the floor, sobbing openly.

"Get her out of my sight!" Taj spat out in a disgusted voice.

Xhalax had stewed in her misery for several weekens. She sat in her cell, disheveled, scrawny, and stinking. She had refused to eat, she had refused to bathe, and she had barely slept. When she was able to sleep, she was always awakened by the nightmares. That is how Taj found her.

He entered her cell.

"What do you want," she growled at him ominously. He grinned a conspiratorial and malicious grin.

"I have been authorized to reinstate you." Xhalax looked up sharply.

"As a pilot?" she queried.

His grin became even more malicious. "No!" he returned. "As an assassin. You can consider Talyn Lyczac your first hit."

Xhalax wished that she could feel horror at his words. She wished she could feel disgust. But they had taken that away from her. She had nothing. She felt nothing. Xhalax looked at Taj with dead eyes to match her dead soul. "Alright," she said. That was all. She had no more to say.

The first kill was torture. She didn't think that she'd be able to do it. But she took all that had happened to her, betrayal by an unknown party, the folly of thinking she could handle the punishment, the terrible decision that she had been forced to make, the sneers and malicious glee of her tormentors, and she poured it into a blinding rage that quickly took over her mind and spirit. The rage was good, she knew. It would eventually give her power once again; it would make her strong.

It was the rage that sustained her through those first terrible cycles of killing, but she eventually fell back into the habit of the by-the-book, rules and regulations lifestyle of a Peacekeeper.

Once in a while, she thought of Aeryn. Aeryn was alive. The thought angered her. After many cycles, that anger turned into bitterness. She could no longer tolerate the thought of her. That was how Xhalax survived; it was how she carried on. Life was harsh; she was determined to meet it head on with a harshness of her own.

PART 2: Bitter Reunion

20 Cycles Later

This mission should take little time. The objective was a simple one: capture Bilar Crais, and the gunship, and bring them to High Command. She was glad that it would be a short mission. She didn't want to be on this stinking planet with these complaining trackers any longer than absolutely necessary.

Once the trackers had finally located them, Xhalax came upon her prey. She has Crais in her sights. He was not alone. A man and a woman accompanied him. The woman seemed somehow vaguely familiar, but she quickly put that from her mind, so she could take care of the business at hand. She took aim, waited for the right moment, and took her shot.

After a dazzling array of weapons fire, Xhalax had nothing to show for it but an injured leg. She pulled herself up, and looked around, trying to see anyone. Finally, she managed to get the woman in her sights. With one punch to the woman's face, she assumed control over the woman. Xhalax harshly questioned the woman regarding the whereabouts of Crais.

Then, to her surprise, the foolish woman actually questioned her identity in response! This distracted Xhalax, and, as a result, before she knew what was happening, a quick blow to her injured leg brought her down, and a struggle ensued. The final blow sent her spiraling into blackness.

Xhalax felt a soft touch caressing her face. A gentle touch…why would she be feeling that? She snapped suddenly back to consciousness and found herself tied up and facing the woman. She was caring for her wound. Her enemy's wound. Why would she be doing that? It didn't make sense.

The woman called her by name, and she wondered aloud how the woman knew it.

"Who are you?" Xhalax asked. She searched the woman's face as to some clue to the answer of that question.

The woman relied softly, "I'm Aeryn. Aeryn Sun. I'm your daughter."

Xhalax looked carefully at her face, searching for a resemblance to the features of the child she remembered. She knew those eyes, so much like her own.

Soon after that, she was to learn that her daughter no longer considered herself a Peacekeeper, and she also became privy to the knowledge that her daughter was a weakling. Naming the gunship after her father, showing mercy…She was glad she had not been there to witness her growing up and becoming more and more of a fool each day. It made it so much easier to hate her.

Xhalax later learned that Aeryn believed that Xhalax had knowledge of her involvement with Crais. Well, let her think that! It might give her a tactical advantage. Yes, this was good. This might work out completely to her advantage.

Xhalax couldn't believe it! Aeryn had actually brought her to the gunship! Excellent! Now all she had to do was extricate herself from her bonds and take the upper hand. She winced as she quietly slit her arm open with her metal nail blade, and retrieved the knife that had been surgically implanted there for just such an occasion. Then she cut the ropes that bound her hands. She was disgusted at how soft she had been thus far, and she was determined to remedy the situation. Just as Aeryn noticed that she was free, Xhalax slipped the drug from her pocket and quickly inhaled a deep whiff, and, with that, her eyes dilated, her mental weakness was gone, and her physical strength and agility had increased greatly. She easily bested everyone in the room, including that annoying little sniveling worm-on-a-floating-chair, whom she unceremoniously slit from top to bottom.

Later, Xhalax was admiring the amazing accomplishments of the Peacekeepers in creating this leviathan/gunship hybrid. She glanced at Aeryn, who had just awoken to find herself bound. Xhalax realized that Peacekeeper technology was really sublime. It wouldn't be long now before she had successfully completed her mission, and the hybrid ship and Crais would be back in the hands of the Peacekeepers, where they belonged.

Aeryn began talking about sentimental drivel. Xhalax didn't care about the past, or Aeryn! Her only concern was the successful completion of the mission. While she thought on that, Aeryn brought up the night of Xhalax's visit, when Aeryn was a child.

Xhalax could not face it, so she, instead, she denied it. To do otherwise would have caused the pain to return, and she would not allow that! But Aeryn forced her to admit to what had happened.

Xhalax begrudgingly confessed a little, but Aeryn would not be satisfied until she knew everything, especially how her mother had redeemed herself in the eyes of the Peacekeepers. Xhalax grew angrier by the moment. She wanted to know that!? Fine! Then here's the frelling truth! "By killing your father!"

Aeryn had gotten the information she wanted, so now, maybe she would leave her alone so she could get back to her mission.

While the scanning the gunship, Xhalax came across a vid chip, and popped it in to see if it might hold any relevant information that she could utilize. Much to her horror, she found that it was the video that had incriminated her those many cycles ago. She couldn't look away, and she watched it in horrified fascination as the events of the night visit played out before her. Aeryn was speaking to her. Xhalax listened, partly to her, partly to the video playing before her. She hardly recognized the soft woman in the recording. Somewhere, very, very deep down, she wanted to be that person again. She did. But she didn't know how. She felt the agony rising up again. "Noooooo!" That life had brought her nothing but pain, heartache, SUFFERING! She would never allow that again! Only her life as a Peacekeeper mattered! Her mission would succeed! She hissed a few poisonous words at Aeryn, then walked away, her anger burning strong and bright.

Xhalax retrieved her weapon from her prowler and began searching for Crais once again. After a few microts of searching, she heard the sounds of one of the trackers, who was very obviously engaged in a struggle of some kind. She followed the noises, to find a tracker engaged in hand-to-hand combat with both the man and Crais. She was just about to end the fray by means of weapons fire, when Aeryn, who had escaped, came flying out of nowhere and tackled her roughly to the ground. They rolled on the ground as they struggled, each trying to gain control and best the other. She tried to fire, but to no avail. The struggle continued, and Aeryn, once again, began trying to extol the virtues of the motherly nature that Xhalax had once possessed. This time, however, she would have none of it. Aeryn continued to pound away at her defenses, speaking of wanting to be just like her, and of doing what is right. Xhalax grew angrier and more resentful with each word that Aeryn uttered.

It was then that the man, whom Aeryn had called John, took control of the situation and successfully subdued Xhalax. Xhalax screamed for him to let Aeryn shoot her. She would put an end to her misery that way, if she had to. But Aeryn didn't even have the courage to do that. It disgusted Xhalax. She knew that, if she made it out of this alive, she would hunt down Aeryn and kill her for the unending pain she had put her through.

Ultimately, they left Xhalax with Crais, and put the task of executing her in his hands. But he was a fool, just like Aeryn. Instead of killing her, he offered her a chance to live in exchange for telling High Command that they were all dead. Well, he could think that she would tell them that. He could think whatever he wanted. She wouldn't be going back to High Command, though. She would be following Aeryn, everywhere she went, staying just far enough behind that they would never suspect her presence. And then, at the most opportune time, she would pounce, and that would bring an end to Aeryn, and an end to her own pain.

PART 3: An End To Suffering

7 Monens Later

He was dead. This was perfect. It could not have possibly worked out any better than this. The one she had called John had died. The man she loved. But, it was not enough that Aeryn should suffer from his death, so, Xhalax hired a mercenary to pose as Talyn Lyczac. She would kill "Talyn" right in front of her. Aeryn would taste the pain. Her lover would be dead, and her father killed right before her very eyes. As Xhalax had suffered, so would she.

After much waiting, he had finally made contact with Aeryn. Good. It was all going just as she had planned. She returned to the shadows, and continued to watch and wait. When the time was right, she would make her move. Until then, she would bide her time.

That fool mercenary had been talking to the little slug! If he destroyed her plans, she would make him wish that he were already dead! He had reported that all was well, so she refrained from doing him any harm, for the moment. The fool would do anything for money. He was totally oblivious to the fact that he was completely expendable. He would learn that soon enough, however.

It was time. Xhalax busted into the apartment without warning. She caught Aeryn completely unaware. Venom dripped from her voice as she taunted her, and told her of the suffering that Aeryn had put her through when she left her on the planet. It wasn't enough for Aeryn to simply experience suffering; she wanted her to know that she had CAUSED it.

It was then that the mercenary came into the room. He continued to play the role of the doting father. He was brilliant, but his time was over. She had no more need of him. He had served his purpose. Xhalax ordered him to lie down and turn over, and, despite Aeryn's strong cries of protest, she shot him mercilessly in the back.

Xhalax informed Aeryn that all of this was so that she could watch her suffer. Aeryn actually had the audacity to say that they had done nothing to her! Ha! All of the pain, misery, and anguish in her life were because of her!

Then she made the mistake of telling Aeryn that she had never been truly reinstated. Because she said that, Aeryn thought she wanted her pity! This was so far off from what she really wanted! What she wanted was for Aeryn to be in pain, as she was. She wanted her to hurt, like she did.

Xhalax didn't think that Aeryn could possibly understand what real pain was. So she tried to enlighten her. She told her of being close to love, and then losing everything…those she loved, in an instant. She pointed out that Aeryn had nothing now. She gloried in the knowledge that it was Aeryn who suffered now.

Aeryn began to speak about the man who had posed as Talyn. She claimed that she had known that he wasn't really her father. Xhalax didn't believe her. She couldn't believe her. That would lessen Aeryn's suffering. And she needed her to suffer.

Xhalax listened to Aeryn as she spoke of Talyn, and Crighton. She watched her suffer, and she suffered as well. The pain inside of her grew with each word that Aeryn spoke, and she was horrified at that. Then Aeryn told her that the Peacekeepers do nothing for love.

This hurt Xhalax to the core, and she took exception to this, and finally told her the absolute truth. She told Aeryn of the terrible choice that she had been forced to make. She let her know that she had killed Talyn so that Aeryn would live. She confessed that she had done it out of love.

Even so, she still held the gun on Aeryn. She continued, by telling her of being forced into life as an assassin. She knew that Aeryn's suffering would ease her pain, and it did, and she told her as much.

Aeryn taunted Xhalax, telling her that she didn't really want to kill her. Xhalax felt pulled in opposing directions, felt as if though she would be torn in half by the warring emotions inside of herself. Aeryn called her onto the ledge. Xhalax came.

Aeryn tempted her to fire. And she challenged her not to. The war within Xhalax was great. Aeryn ordered her to drop the gun she had been holding on her. Xhalax struggled internally. Then she lowered the gun.

At that moment, Crais burst in, and fired upon Xhalax, delivering a killing shot.

"No!" Aeryn cried. She caught Xhalax in her arms, before she could fall over the ledge.

Xhalax knew it was the end. This was how it should be. She told Aeryn to let her fall. Aeryn would not.

"Do it," Xhalax said. "Let me go. I died a long time ago."

She touched the side of her head to Aeryn's. They pulled back, and looked into each other's eyes. Aeryn found herself looking at her mother. Not Xhalax, the Peacekeeper assassin, but her mother. Her mother, who had come to her in the night, to tell her that she was born of love, and that she was loved.

Xhalax looked at Aeryn, and knew love once again for one, brief, lovely moment. "You live for me," she told her beautiful daughter. With that, Aeryn let go, and Xhalax let herself fall over the ledge. Her last thoughts were of her daughter, and of the joy she had finally felt in these last, few microns of her life.

The End 


End file.
